that gives me reason to exist. 

 seems like im running around in circles again

on another note,
i did meet a nice girl :)

and she's nothing like me

i just realised i actually do need a car

so im actually enjoying all this shakespeare stuff, its quite odd. hamlet is a great work, and one of the first ones ive actually read for english. ive successfully done a 360 regarding schoolwork, and im finally back where i started, with a little ambition and a lot of drive to get through this. university is the next step, so i have to make sure that i get there.

and i regret saying that. im just really glad things are pretty much back to normal, your really important to me.

Jack be nimble Jack, Jack be quick
Jack jumped right over the candle stick
To a flame he chose had a name called hell
Where the devils child drank blood and was always well

Jack lived simple with his lady Jill
Till he come on home his heart she stole
He caught her messing with another man
So he got his gun and shot them down

Close to Jill lying there
All alone
He lost his mind beneath the stairs
All alone

so i was all like
"hey you, your cute. we should go see a movie"

and she was all
"sure :)"

haven't written here in a while, guess that's because i have been working a lot lately. but the money is good i guess, so im going to have to look on the upside. i'm pretty happy i got to spend a few days at matts at least, and hop on the drums for an hour and a bit. i just wish i had someone to jam with, when i get into the drumming mood chances are i'm not able, and it takes a while to force myself to get there.

i really miss jamming with dean, he was awesome and the music we made was pretty decent.

but yeah, school soon, and i need to get my head down once and for all. my priorities are getting better and my goals are becoming clearer. the path there is obvious but i dont think im willing to accept the fact that it will take a lot of hard work, and i dont know if im ready and willing to put that effort in.

anyway,

jack be nimble.

fallen from grace cause ive been away too long
leaving you behind with my lonesome song
and now im lost.

i have realised, that despite the situation, it seems people believe that when looking for a solution, the first step is always admitting you have a problem, or saying "i don't deserve this anymore" / "im over you".

i think the first step is realizing there will be more.

because you can do or say things, and then leave it at that, thinking its enough.

and once you have reached the stage where you understand that changes must be made, and that you must contribute some sort of emotional or physical effort, your ready to move on.

/End Emo
;Exit Sub

havilah.

This will destroy you

i wish i could just lay back and watch skins all day, but i dont have any dvd's :(
and my face is seriously mussive. but it doesnt really hurt so i guess ill put that down as a plus.

P.S. not being able to eat anything is shit. i dont want anymore ice cream, custard or jelly lol ive had too much

Find your faith and find your hope
You'll find safety
I know it's hard to look up when everything's falling down on you
It's hard, but you can make it

seriously this band is amazing!

oh and i lied. i just wanted to sound smart, i really just forgot.
but i found the reaction humorous nonetheless.

rachel, dont go looking for this song lol. it doesnt exist. (yet) lol

my lips are temple doors
and they'll remain shut till' the end of the world
my thoughts wreak peaceful havoc on my mind
i am eternally silenced
but its still possible to hear
listen to the sounds of the droplets
falling from cracks in the piping
vulnerable only when influenced by liquid sin
and another persons open heart

my motives are fueled by my own inability
to create meaning for anything anymore
and all traces of chivalry
a product of good intentions
for my love civility
this train of thought
i hope will never harm
though my sober actions usually do
my lips are temple doors

this band is totally in my head, this song especially
always

If only you were here to hold my head above bloody waters
We could make it through
You turned your back on me and now I do the same to you
You made me feel so hollow
How can the man that you looked up to turn around and say three words that hurt more than you'll ever know
You don't know what it feels like to be in my shoes
You turned your back on me as I stood there and fell to the floor
This time there's no reason for me to turn around and scream for help
But if only you were here to hold my head above all those things you said to tie me down
I'm looking for forgiveness for something that I didn't even do
How can you call yourself and idol, a person to trust?
How can I look so high up when you're always holding me down?

P.S. maybe i should have deleted that facet as well.
out of curiosity, however, i thought it would be interesting to still have some insight
and, although i am amused, -. nothing.
im just really amused :)

the irony is, now im scared of getting hurt
haha

oh well, here i go

im so glad for cel haha, he helps me so much. im really excited to get fit, i dunno haha.
hope i dont turn into a gym junkie though.

P.S.
Gigs on the way:
BMTH, Cancer Bats
Carps, Have Heart
Presets

so the one i was actually attracted to was intelligent.
knew that it had to stop.

in the wise words if kurt vonnegut...

so it goes.

grim future? this weekend could possibly be action packed awesome, but i dont know. parkway tonight, work/mardi gras tomorrow then work again and chilling on sunday. or should i be studying? i keep telling myself that ill start being serious soon, but its already late. now its just getting worse.

but i have moved forward a few spaces. im no longer missing classes at school.
and i have new goals and ambitions. most importantly i know what i want to study when i leave school.

jab's in an hour. bb